250,000 drunks a day

Das Beste

Viva Taxi Libre!
A night out in Barcelona, in which Headbang barely manages to protect his bits.
The Einstein Memorial Turd
Why can't Einstein's birthplace remember him properly?
Fucking and Intercourse are Quite Similar
Have you done both? I have.
I do? That's Easy for You to Say
My skinny little gay wedding
A Poor Grasp of the Penis, If You Ask Me.
It's lucky that I can charm my way into a gentleman's pants, because I sure cant talk my way in. At least, not in German.
Should I trash the War Memorial?
Tale of a calendar that stopped.
Waking Up From the American Dream, Part One.
Citizens and consumers are not the same.
Sexual Lampoon's Tennessee Vacation, Part Three.
Cleanliness, godliness, and a raging woody.
Chance Encounter with an Old Friend
My reacquaintance with the vagina, after a long absence.
A dicky little ditty
Pure poetry. Not good poetry, just pure poetry.

Nach Links

My guide to the homosphere, including the blogs of quality queers. Be gay the Headbang way!
Coming out of the safety of the closet was easier for me than coming out of the mindwarp of the church. This page has plenty for the godless and groovy, including Mojoey's incomparable Atheist Blogroll.
People often ask about life as an expat. The experience is different for everyone. Here, you'll find stories and advice from my favourite modern-day immigrants.
Men and their minds sometimes don't get along. No wonder. The routine abuse that we suffer is enough to drive us crazy. Find links here to recovery resources, and the stories of men brave enough to use them.
The motto of a certain well-known advertising agency is Truth Well Told. The authors behind this link need no reminder that a well-told truth is powerful. They prove it. Of course, tales well woven, and jokes well cracked earn a berth here, too.
The online world will revolutionise social history. The stories of ordinary people were once hidden. Now, we can share them with the stroke of a key. Many bloggers (such as Neil Kramer and A Free Man) have encouraged their readers to interview each other, share their stories and record them for posterity. Here are the interviews I've participated in.

To Elvis fans, schade.

Sorry to disappoint, but Deutschland über Elvis, is not an Elvis Presley fansite. The title is a pun on the German national anthem, Deutschland uber Alles. Presley fans curious about his G.I. stretch in Germany (1958-1960) should whack elvisforever.de into BabelFish and follow the link to Elvis in Germany. It contains some extraordinary photos, and the story of a rumoured Munich mistress.

Resistance is Useful

Is someone dicking you around? Is your day filled with petty people tut-tutting you at every turn? Through no fault of your own, do you find yourself marching to someone else's tune? Strike back against the petty tyrants and oxygen thieves. For one day, let them kiss your sweet, fragrant buttcheeks. The Headbang Liberation Front has declared January 13 to be the International Day to Bite Me. Join the movement, here!

July 2010

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My office is across the street from the Theresienwiese, where the Oktoberfest is held. Here are a few people I met one day, walking to the subway station.

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Teaching the Germans to party since 2007. No, not that party.
Headbang8 proudly proclaims himself to be stateless, rootless, godless and gay. A fiftyish American-Australian chap, recently posted from New York to Munich. He and his Japanese husband regularly discover new reasons to think the other odd.

Bookage

Philip Roth: Portnoy's Complaint. (Vintage)
A seminal work. In more ways than one.
Alice Miller: The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting
I have suffered through endless therapy sessions, support groups, and self-help books which proclaim the abused must forgive their oppressors in order to find peace. Alice Miller calls bullshit on this quatsch, and shows that victims make better progress if they do NOT forgive their abusers. I concur.
Robert Whiting: You Gotta Have WA (Vintage Departures)
Prospective expats often ask me for tips on doing business in Japan. This book, which tells the story of American baseball players recruited to Japanese clubs in the eighties, proved the single most useful guide to how a Japanese organisation works. Richard Whiting is a sportswriter who has spent most of his career in Japan, and carved a niche for himself explaining the curiosities of Japanese team sports. Check out his most famous work, The Chrysanthemum and the Bat.
Chad Kultgen: Average American Male: A Novel
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Drop me off on Mars, OK?
Michael Heyward: The Ern Malley Affair
This is so post-modern, it makes your head spin. In 1940s Australia, two would-be poets Harold Stewart and James McAuley grew tired of rejections from avant-garde literary journals. As a lark, the two composed what they thought was were silly parodies of the prevailing modernist school, and submitted them under an assumed name to Angry Penguins, a new journal published by the Adelaide dandy Max Harris. Harris said they were brilliant. The (real) authors revealed that the poems were frauds. Or were they still brilliant, even if the poets responsible never intended them to be? A fascinating artistic morality tale, which still stirs arguments in Australian academic circles.
Gore Vidal: Myra Breckinridge & Myron
Today, Vidal concentrates on scathing essays and scandalous memoir. But you'll find his best work in his early satires. Myra Breckenridge tells the story of a ball-busting post-op transexual woman who wreaks revenge on the millieu of B-list celebs and wannabes who spurned her as a man. This short book carries not an ounce of fat; every word packs a punch. It is, without doubt, his masterpiece. The sequel, Myron, runs longer, and is just a little too aware of its own cleverness. Irritated at a Supreme Court decision on censorship, Vidal replaces each of the proscribed nine dirty words with the names of the Justices themselves. Oddly, the judges all seem to sport names which suit the purpose. I am especially fond of the name for a vulgarity which refers to the female genitalia; Justice Whizzer White.
Dana Thomas: Deluxe: How Luxury Lost Its Luster
A staggeringly well-written book from a former Washington Post fashion correspondent. The many hundreds of billions of dollars which passes through the hands of the luxury goods industry has not trickled-down to the people who actually do the work. Once proud brands tarnish their reputations by badge-engineering. A merciless expose of luxury marketing, but one which respects the artisanal ideals which spawned the industry in the first place.
Japan Travel Bureau: Japan in Your Pocket: "Salaryman" in Japan No. 8 (Eibun Nihon Etoki Jiten)
Perhaps the funniest book on Japanese culture ever written. And it's meant to be serious. Did you know that the highest ranking executive gets the safest seat in a taxi? I didn't, until this book explained all those silly details of business etiquette. Special section on how to curse your bucho.
Bruno Schulz: The Street of Crocodiles and Other Stories (Penguin Classics)
Magic realism at its best. Also seek out his Sanatorium under the Sign of the Hourglass.
Mark Leyner: My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist
Dali once described surrealism as the chance meeting of a fish and an anvil on an ironing board. As a modern surrealist, Leyner provides plenty of anvils, but the fish are somehow missing. A dozen eskimos in bowler hats have just rung the doorbell, and I must get my llama to make them hot fudge sundaes. Do I make myself clear?
Muriel Spark: The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
The relationship between a gifted student and a truly inspiring teacher is an intimate one. So intimate, the student and teacher can resemble two lovers, with their intrigues, passions, and potential for betrayal. Spark's cool, detatched style is at odds with the simmering emotion that runs through this tale of adolescent self-discovery. It makes her story all the more heartbreaking. A masterpiece.
Nick Flynn: Another Bullshit Night in Suck City: A Memoir
What effect does it have on your soul, if you're working in a homeless shelter, and your dad checks in? And you have to throw him out for bad behaviour? A gut-wrenching tale of family dysfunction, emotional torture, and (yes) vanity. Flynn is a poet, and he tells his tale in a way that's morbidly beautiful.
Mary Karr: The Liars Club
Like Nick Flynn, another poet tells her tale of childhood neglect and abuse. The portrait she paints of her star-crossed parents, held together by lust and divided my tragedy, will bring you to tears.
P.J. O'Rourke: Republican Party Reptile
O' Rourke says he's a Republican, but he appears on NPR. A (political) party animal. His viewpoints, in large measure, suck. But I bet he mixes a mean Gimlet.
Mrs. Dorothy Parker: The Portable Dorothy Parker (Viking portable library)
She's a total bitch. But you knew that.
Peter C. Whybrow: American Mania: When Too Much Is Not Enough
How being a nation of immigrants messes with American heads (and waists). Incredibly insightful.
Tony Hendra: The 80s: A Look Back at the Tumultuous Decade 1980-1989
This book was written in 1978, as a joke. It is read, in 2009, as an historical document.
Herodotus: The Histories (Oxford World's Classics)
Herodotus was the Perez Hilton of Ancient Greece. No gossipy detail misses his evil eye. Pericles? Don't get him started...

Euros über Elvis!

Did you enjoy your visit to Deutschland über Elvis? Then take home a souvenir from the Euros über Elvis gift shop. Select from a fine range of quality Schmuck and Flitterkram, , including "Schwanzdraper" boxer shorts, "Johann Six-Pack" baseball jerseys, "Bavarian Beast" beer steins, and more! Why stop at Einstein? Buy zwei or drei Steins! All proceeds donated to beer.

Deutschland über Elvis

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